don’t want to communicate with my mother. With her actions and words, she hurts me. The fact is that I was born with a hare lip, and my mother said all my life that I was a burden for her. At the same time, she did everything that depended on her – lay with me in hospitals, devoted time to me, my apartment was bought for her money. And now my conscience torments me – it seems that she gave me everything, except for mental warmth, and I have to communicate, but these constant quarrels are painful. They stand between us. How to keep the balance between „I do not want“ and „need“?
Alena, if communication with a person brings you pain, you can stop or communicate less. The worst thing for any child is to be a rejected mother, and it does not matter how many toys, apartments, cars and rings the mother will buy to replace love and acceptance.
Perhaps your childhood was safe in material terms, but you, unfortunately, received deep emotional trauma. In order to eliminate its consequences, not to stand still, not to worry about the torment of conscience and not spend your resource on this, it will be very useful for you to go into therapy. In itself, resentment of mom may never pass, and you, being a conscientious and grateful person, will be suffered for years to the choice between “I don’t want” and “necessary”.
Perhaps your mother in itself is an emotionally cold person or in her parental family there was such a style of communication, perhaps even you were really a burden for her, she simply did not calculate her strength at your birth. There can be many reasons, but now it is important to understand that she did not give you emotional warmth, because she could not. He simply was not. She did not have a daily task to offend and humiliate you, she acted as she knew how to at that time.
Of course, you will not console you that your mother does not know, for example, what is warmth, and can express his affection only in gifts, but the gradual acceptance of it as it is, will allow you not to worry so much because of the need to communicate withher.